Of Knowing and Not Knowing
Okay – strange title for my initial post. I’ve now joined the Blogosphere. Like most new experiences, blogging feels odd and unnatural. At the same time this blog is an exciting extension of my private practice of psychotherapy and I’m eager to begin. I’m not sure how many “deep thoughts” I’ll be able to conjure up. Shallow thoughts might be more apt.
The point of creating and adding content to this blog space is to share with others my growth edges, lessons I’ve learned – about myself, psychotherapy, and plain living in the world – that may be helpful, especially as these lessons relate to being in psychotherapy (from the point of view of both patient and therapist).
One of the great lessons I have learned, and continue to learn, is the power of “not knowing.” This stance is an important feature of psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Valuing “not knowing” may sound odd coming from someone who is setting about bloviating on the web, but not knowing is probably the best that I can be. You see, if I know, then I’m not asking, not learning. If a patient comes into my therapy room and I immediately know what’s going on with them, what they should be doing about this and that, then I’m no longer learning about them, no longer listening. that’s not go say that I’m not trained to be aware of the symptoms I’m seeing, symptoms expressed in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. I need to contain that awareness and open a space wherein the patient will teach me about what makes up their experiences and feelings. Let me provide a simple example: I’ve had the opportunity to work in psychiatric hospitals. Patient’s would often come to me to say, “I’m discharging today.” Early on in my training I’d respond, “Well, you must be happy.” I knew their feelings and thoughts (except, of course, I didn’t). When I learned to not know, to ask instread, “Well, how do you feel about that?”, the patient then had the opportunity to say, “I’m scared to death.”, or “I’m worried that I’m not well enough.”, or “I’m afraid I’ll be back in the same mess.”, or maybe “I’m happy about it.”
Blogging has the potential to be the opposite of not knowing. So, in terms of this blog business, I think it best then that I refrain from being a fountain of all truths psychological, a knower. Instead, I’d prefer to share what I see in the world around me, stay close to experience, my experience, and see if that can be helpful in some way. And, if I’m lucky, learn from your comments.